Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
