listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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