But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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