dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
