I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize