Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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