he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
