In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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