I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
