yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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