You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
