So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
