that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
