I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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