tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
