Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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