He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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