she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
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Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
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Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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