you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
