Can i not drive my cunt home
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
