i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she looked like the before picture.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
