i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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