I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
