If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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