Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
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He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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