two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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