9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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