if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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