my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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