Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
