So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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