ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
