They should really pass out barf bags in church
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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