I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We're too hungover to prance.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
