singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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