I'm jealous of your bromance
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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