you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
