my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
