I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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