don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize