I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
