Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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