if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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