I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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