Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
But theres a keg here and me gusta
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize