Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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