i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
