if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
