I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
