I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he was CRYING into my vagina
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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