Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
