I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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