Will you blow on my dice?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
