I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
