so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
