He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
