I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
