My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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