When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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