Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
