i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
