He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
